Pope Vader

Another Religious Video

I love these videos.

2012: Taking Advantage of the Idiots

As I mentioned in a previous post, there is much I want to discuss concerning the end of the world.  Today we will look at the companies that take advantage of these people who believe in this sort of thing.  At first I thought these companies were terrible for preying on a person's fear over the uncertainty. 

Then as I started to think about it, I came to another conclusion:  good for these companies.  If someone is idiotic enough to believe the world will end in December, then you deserve to lose some money to a smart businessperson. 

Home Security
The first company I heard about was Hardened Structures, which seems pretty cool when you start to look at some of their products.  Seriously, head over to the site and explore for a second.

Clipped from: www.hardenedstructures.com (share this clip)

If you go to the 2012 section, you will see that they offer plenty of protection for when the inevitable happens.  They discuss what might possibly happen and how they plan to protect you from it.  These are the things this amazing structure will protect you from:

• 3 Bar blast overpressure protection
• Multiple Seismic Events
• 100% waterproof
• Blast doors
• Fully Protected against EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) and HEMP (High Altitude Electromagnetic Pulse). Fiberglass shelters cannot offer EMP/HEMP protection, see more at the bottom of the page.
• 100% rust resistance (zinc anodes)
• The best military grade NBC (Nuclear, Biological, Chemical) air filtration system available in the world (Temet)
• Integrated emergency escape hatch

I mean, just look at one of these things.  They look pretty damn awesome.  I might actually live in one myself.  Especially for those of you that know about my insane fear of windows. 

They are developing these pods into full-size communities across the world, I have no idea if people have actually purchased them, but I would be willing to bet that a few have been purchased.  Also, the report that I saw also stated that Hardened Structures had been contracted to build arks, costing around $20 million dollars each for groups of very rich people.  These things can apparently survive at sea for like 5-10 years and can even submerge.  Pretty insane, right?

Now, why do I think this is such a brilliant idea?  Well how could you prove that your shelter did not work.  I mean, if you pay this company millions of dollars for a house or an ark, how do you know if it will survive any of these things?  I mean, if the end of the world does come and your house actually does not protect you, it is not like you can sue the guy.  If the end of the world does not come, you will never know if your house works that way.  This company does not claim the end of the world is coming.  So smart...

Personal Protection
Again, at first I thought this one was pretty ridiculous.  This lady started a company that offers basic survival skills and weapons training for the upcoming apocalypse. 

Clipped from: safeorsorry.net (share this clip)

They charge $250, which seems pretty steep.  I mean, how hard is it to go to a gun range and practice shooting.  Or buy some books about survival and going out camping?  Granted this stuff would cost money, but you can usually find a way around that stuff.

You can go around the site and see all sorts of interesting things.  I feel like she is taking advantage of people.  Then as I was looking at the founders page, I noticed something interesting.

" I want all to know how grateful I am, for all those seeking training from SafeorSorry.net... It is a very important to me that you learn and practice our training, as well as other training. I want everyone to be able to protect themselves, especially women, mothers and children.... If you feel you can NOT afford my course please email me personally ( r.peterson@safeorsorry.net) with your story and I will give you the course for free, no problem, no questions asked."

So she is willing to offer the course for free to women who cannot afford it?  Yeah, that makes her a pretty decent person.  And to be honest, it is not like these are terrible skills to have.

Pet Service
This one is aimed at the Rapture folks, but I am sure there will be a similar thing focused at the 2012 folks.

Clipped from: eternal-earthbound-pets.com (share this clip)

If you go to the FAQ, you see that these people are atheists and that for $135, once the Rapture happens, they will pick up your pets and take care of them.  This one just cracks me up and like I said, I am sure they could retool this page or at least offer a 2012 End of the World deal.  Maybe people could upgrade their service for another $150 because obviously, if the world comes to an end and shit gets crazy, it will take a little more money for one of these care providers to reach your pet...

I need to think of my own smart business idea to scam these believers out of their hard-earned cash. 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!  Hope you all have a great day!

God's a Jerk

I like option B...

Higgs, Aliens, Sportsmenship, and Being Tough

I thought about making these into a bunch of small posts, but figured I would combine them into one big one.  Be prepared for some fun.

Higgs Boson
I am not going to even pretend to know much about particle physics, but from what I understand, there could be some pretty exciting news coming in the near-future.  Here is a BBC article that is much better at explaining things than me.

I will not lie, I love watching programs on Science when they start talking about quantum and particle physics.  I understand it a bit, but still find it absolutely fascinating.

Aliens Attacking Mercury
I will bet money that at some point we will see this incorporated into an episode of Ancient Aliens.  Wait, you have no clue what I am talking about?  Allow me to explain:

Apparently, images from NASA showed something near the planet Mercury.  The best thing to do is to jump to a conclusion about what it could possibly be:  a cloaked alien spaceship.  I shit you not.  Listen to this idiot explain his findings (I am guessing he is not a scientist).

As I watched this, I thought the dude must be a little crazy.  I decided to do a quick search to see if I could find more about it.  Then I found this article and basically scientists already explained what we were seeing.  People do not realize just how much work goes into cleaning up pictures from satellites and how tricky it is to take a picture of things that far away.

Bad Call?
I was listening to the radio the other morning and I heard the sports radio guys (I think from 93.7 in Pittsburgh) talking about how this referee made a terrible call during this Massachusetts football game.  The QB breaks free and runs it in for a long touchdown.  The ref throws a flag and it is called back because he raised a fist during the run.

I guess the call was unnecessary celebration or unsportsmanlike conduct.  They were going on about how it is ridiculous and the kid should just be allowed to have fun and enjoy the moment.  Oh, and by the way, after the penalty, the QB threw a pick, which led to a TD and the win for the other team.

At first I was on their side until I started thinking about it.  They said that the ref warned both teams before the game that any first raising, or pointing to the sky would be penalized.  If he warned them, then I am sorry, it was just a stupid thing to do.  It is not like the ref waited, as soon as he saw that hand go up, he threw the flag (well more like when the hand goes down).

I have a feeling most people will disagree with me on that one though...

Atheist Sign
I actually have very little to say on this one.  Just that I like it.

Big Ben
I hate when people try to make the argument that Ben Roethlisberger fakes these injuries in order to get attention.  I mean seriously, why would he leave the game and miss the end of the first half against the Browns unless he was actually in pain.

Or wait, I bet he actually faked that whole appendectomy thing.  Or the numerous other injuries we have seen him take over the years.  How come he plays with injuries all the time and people question it, yet back in the day people praised Brett Favre for being a warrior. 

Seriously, this shit is getting old.  Also, people who think the Steelers would be better off with Charlie Batch or Dennis Dixon starting are most likely retarded.  They need to stop huffing paint thinner.

Beware of Raptor Jesus!

Something tells me people would have lost a few more limbs trying to put this mo'fo on a cross...

The Fifth of November

 I figure this was somewhat appropriate.  Obviously this country could probably do with a little help from someone like V.  Or not, depending on what you believe.  Although, the more we allow religious groups interfere with politics, it will not be long until we see signs like this one:

Believing in God will help this country though these difficult times...at least God was nice enough to give us this awesomeness today!

It's a Miracle! For Idiots...

My friend Pam posted this on facebook the other day and I had to make a funny comment (at least it was funny in my head). 



My comment was "is that the guy from Person of Interest?"  I know, I am hilarious...

People are acting like this is a miracle.  It is not.  Trust me.  The guy is a talented artist, and he probably practiced this for months (there are multiple videos of him doing the exact same thing).  Also, if this is miracle, then your god has a sense of humor:

Religious Video for Your Help

Jedi Jesus

I saw this picture the other day and it made me laugh.  When I did a search for it, I came up with even funnier Jesus/Jedi pictures.  Here are a few of my favorites.

Jesus Gives You a Choice

Another fun post before you go to church...

Killing Babies!

Before you go to church, I suggest you watch this video...

Ancient Aliens Season Three

I just watched the new season of Ancient Aliens, which was about aliens and the old west and was brought to you by Cowboys and Aliens.  There were plenty of clips from the movie, which if you did not know has a pretty entertaining history behind it.

Pretty much everything in the episode was stuff that had been discussed before on UFO Hunters.  Especially the Aurora, Texas incident.  Everything I have read about the incident seems to point to the idea that the whole thing was a hoax by the journalist living in the town. 

They pointed to the ground-penetrating radar that seemed to show a missing grave, where the alien is supposedly buried.  I am sure old graveyards around the country have graves that are missing markers.  If people really believed it was an alien, how come no one has broken the law and went out at midnight to dig the damn thing up?  The town should want to dig it up to prove their case.  Instead they are content receiving the camera crews every few years and probably a couple of amateur alien hunters.

Then they go to the Utah petroglyphs and how they show that aliens landed there and the local people were Star People or something.  Again, this was something I have heard before from these kind of shows.  Here is the big one they like to show:

Clearly, those are helmets and that thing in the background is a garbage can.  I am not an expert in Native American glyphs, so I have no clue what they mean.  I can see where people would take what they have seen from movies and apply it to these pictures as well.  This could just be some artists attempt to draw the gods.  Or it could be some shitty artist hot girls.

Then they point to this picture and explain how it must be an alien spacecraft.  It is quite clear if you examine it.

Wanna know what it looks like to me?  The ghosts from Pac-Man.  Remember that game?  Well some of you probably do, but those of you under the age of 25 may be ignorant to Atari games.

There was also some weird stuff about Elizabeth Lake in California and how there was a monster in the lake that used to eat people.  Also, cowboys used to chase down a metallic bird and could not kill it. 

Pretty much every lake has some story about monsters (okay not all of them, but it seems like it) and maybe these cowboys just kept missing whatever they were shooting at, or maybe they were just completely full of crap.  I am going with that option, seems more viable.

They also discussed the Serpent Mound and how it was built by aliens (or for the aliens) so they could find their way back.  I had this argument with someone on twitter:  if the aliens could travel billions of light-years across the universe, why would they need some kind of mound to give them directions?  His answer:  landmarks work best.  Yeah, when I drove to North Carolina, it was easier to look for a big oak tree than a mile marker or say, use my GPS.  Ridiculous.  They can navigate the stars, yet once on a planet, they cannot find the places they have been before?  Idiotic.

Also, there was something about this slabs of dolomite that could conduct electricity and the gods must have used these to power their ships or maybe give the ancient people lights.  Or maybe their fuel source was lightning and this guides the lightning...I had no clue what they were rambling about.  Reminded me of an issue of something you would read in the Flash. 

Most of this stuff seems pretty crazy, but then you add in Joseph Smith.  The founder of the Mormon Church.  If you want your theory of ancient aliens to be taken seriously, I say keep referencing Joseph Smith.  People obviously think the Mormons are sane...

Links and Videos and Stuff

I have nothing to write about...well nothing that has not been said by better folks than me.  So whatever.

The Pirates
As everyone knows by now, the Buccos lost in a crazy game where the umpire blew the call.  If you checked all the blogs in my links section, they all had something to say about it.  None of them say it nearly as well as WHYGAVS.  That is just pure emotion...

Comic-Con
I was pretty uninterested in the happenings of SDCC this year.  It is crazy to think that I used to want to go there so bad, yet now I have no real interest in it.  I still love comics, but the idea of going there and watching movie previews seems a little insane.  I think it used to be about comics, now who knows what it is...anyways, read Filmdrunks last photo diary from SDCC, pretty cool.

Noah's Ark


This video is pretty funny, a little long though.  Brought to you by:  XKV8R.

Miss USA
Over at Sean's site, he posted this video, which is a great parody of the actual Miss USA contestants answering the question about should evolution be taught in schools.





Stupidity amazes me.

Go To Church People!

I might be inclined to go to church if there were Star Destroyers sitting above.  Or at least, I might go nearby and watch to see if they start firing on the parishioners...

Picture comes from Cory Doctorow.

Uh Oh! Don't Let It End Like This!

The world comes to an end tomorrow (or at least that is what some morons believe) and to honor this, I figured I would share some pictures of what the world will be like when the shit hits the fan.

Zombies will run amok!  Biting and tearing at your flesh.  They will be led by their fearless leader:

We are so screwed...

Our only hope comes from the men and women of the cloth.  Those who know the secrets to controlling Zombie Jesus.

Without their magical powers (and giant boobs), we will never be able to see such marvelous sites as these wonderful ladies.

Can you imagine a world without boobs?  It would be horrible.  It would be a barren, desolate land.  There would be nothing to look forward to and nothing to love for.  I can only hope that this disaster can be averted before the world ends up looking like this.

Or more accurately, like this:

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Easter Part Two

I could not resist to post some more Easter stuff.  I will be out at my grandparents all day playing cards and eating ham (I am sure this is the entire reason Jesus rose from the dead...it had nothing to do with wanting to eat brains).  Enjoy some of these funny pictures.

I love the last one.  He looks so serious and yet Jesus holding a rifle, it looks so damn right.  Hmm, maybe in the next Dark Tower book, Roland and Jake can meet the Man Jesus and teach him their saying...

"I do not aim with my hand; I aim with my eye.
He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

I do not shoot with my hand; I shoot with my mind.
He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

I do not kill with my gun; I kill with my heart.
He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father."

~Roland of Gilead~

 Oh, and Oy would definitely kick the Easter Bunny's ass. 

Happy Easter Folks!

Keep waiting everyone...

More Crazy Religious People

I had an amusing encounter with a crazy religious person yesterday.  Sadly it was at work and I could not answer him truthfully without getting into trouble.  Also, he was about 80 years old and had a bit of a slobbering problem.  Here is our conversation:

Me:  How was everything today?
Nutjob:  Good, now can I ask you a question?
Me:  Sure.
Nutjob:  Where will you go when you die?
Me:  Umm, most likely in the ground.  (At this point, I know where this is going.)
Nutjob:  The choices are heaven and hell.
Me:  Hmm, well I don't know sir.
Nutjob:  Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Me:  Uhhh, I don't know.  I'll do my best to try.
Nutjob:  Your best is not good enough and you cannot try.  Jesus died for yours and my sins.  Only when we repent completely can we enter the kingdom of heaven.
Me:  Well that sounds nice.  Ummmmm, well have a nice day sir.

Honestly, the whole thing was quite awkward.  I really wanted to tell him I was an atheist, but I thought it might cause him to have a heart attack.  Also, I could picture him calling our corporate headquarters and complaining about them having an evil atheist manager working for them.  My luck I would get fired over it.  At least he was not nearly as bad as the guy from two years ago...

Why is it that Christians (and other religions) can get away with saying things like this?  I hope that when Zombie Jesus returns, he eats these assholes first.