Are We Winning?

As most of you know, I read a good amount of books.  Mainly fiction, but every once in awhile I will read something nonfiction.  Rarely do I read sports books.  Which I think is weird, since I love sports.  Some of you also know that I am a huge fan of Deadspin, especially the Will Leitch days.  Well, he has a new book out, called Are We Winning?  Fathers and Sons in the New Golden Age of Baseball.  I decided to pick it up last week and pretty much could not put it down once I started it.

The book is about a trip to the Cardinals/Cubs game in '08 when the Cubs clinched the division.  Leitch attends the game with his father and a friend (a hated Cubs fan).  Actually this is just the backdrop of the book.  Leitch is writing the book to his nonexistent son.  It is broken up into chapters by inning.  He explains modern baseball and how it is doing just fine, but also his own relationship with his father.

My favorite part of the book can be read here.  He discusses Steve Bartman and how that could have been any diehard baseball fan.  Anyone could have reached for that foul ball and ended up being blamed for ruining a season.  Utterly ridiculous the way Bartman was treated.

The book also made me think of the relationship with my own father.  In fact, so much of Leitch's description of his dad, reminded me of my dad.  Playing catch and my dad being able to launch flyballs into the stratosphere, or being able to throw the length of our field without much effort always amazed me.

If you are a fan of baseball or just want to read about father/son relationships, this is definitely a book you should check out. 

Cha-Cha-Changes

I have a confession to make.  I lied to you.  Remember a long time ago when I said I quit smoking?  Well, it only really last about a month (if that really).  I kept buying a pack whenever I would go out drinking.  And then it just happened that I kept smoking.  I felt pretty crappy about it and I actually hid it (or at least tried to) from most of my family.  Sorry everyone.  I let you down.

Well, I have some good news.  No, this is not another I am going to quit smoking announcement.  I actually already quit.  My last cigar was back on 9 October 2011.  The day I wrote this post.  I went to work on the 10th and have not had one since.  Now before someone jumps on my nuts, yes, on a few occasions I have had a cigarette at a bar (not that many though).  See, the big thing I learned (I did this online quit smoking thing through work) was that you have to stay focused on quitting, you might slip up, but that is not cause to just give up.

The great thing has been that the last bunch of times I have went out for a beer, I have not really wanted to smoke (minus that night with Lindsey and Jason, where I got really drunk and tried to get one off the people as we were leaving, but Lindsey stopped me--yelled at me).  The biggest thing has been having Lindsey here to keep me motivated.  And maybe to reward me for going a month without one.  She bought me Thor on blu-ray after one month.

It has now been 114 days (I think my math is right) and I am quite proud of this achievement.  Unfortunately, I am not ready to stop there.  I have come to realize that I live an unhealthy lifestyle.  A few months ago I wanted to make changes, but I realized that I tried that before.  I was in the quitting smoking/working out/change diet phase.  Unfortunately, I failed at all of them.

Now that I am convinced that smoking is beat, I am moving on to phase two of my new plan:  quit drinking Mountain Dew.  Everyone tells me I will lose weight if I quit drinking it.  Some of you have no clue how much I drink in a single day.  It is a pretty scary sight.

My last Mountain Dew was on Sunday (30 January 2012).  I weighed myself today, I am at 187.6 pounds.  Yes, I am a fat bastard.  I plan on checking each and every Wednesday (Weigh-In Wednesday...how does that sound?) and let you folks know where I am weight-wise, and how I am doing so far without my favorite drink.  This is actually going to be harder than quitting smoking.  If I can do this, then it is time for phase three...

The Decision 2012

As some of you know, I made the decision that I talked about a few days ago.  It was not an easy decision, but I do want to thank everyone who commented and gave me advice, or in some cases just pointed out a different way of thinking about the issue.

I decided to stay with The Place That Shall Not Be Named.  I am just not willing to give up my vacation time, nor does it sound very fun to work more than 60 hours each week.  There were a few other factors as well, mostly concerning specific tasks about the job that I would rather not discuss. 

Allow me to respond to the comments from the last post:

Greg:  Haha, I think you are like three years older than me (I may have made that up).  I honestly believe if I had this offer before I met Lindsey, I would have taken the job.  I cannot imagine spending less time together.

Sean:  I have discussed it with my supervisors and like most things, they tend to be a little vague.  However, I do know that I am on a very short list of promotable people.  Working fewer third shifts will happen with a promotion (none at all).  Actually, I should not complain about third shift.  I was grumpy about them last week, but most of the time I do not mind them.  And I do not usually get that many of them.

Jason.:  We definitely need to meet up in Richland at some point and see a movie.  And thank you for sharing your story.  One of my biggest fears is that I will absolutely hate it and not be able to come back.

Honestly, one of the reasons I have been with TPTSNBN for so long is that I actually believe in the product (I know that a few of you will mock me for this), but when I thought back on it, I realized that I had actually had many negative experiences at TNP.

Jason's Sense of:  We actually spoke at the bar.

Kern:  I would not burn the bridge, but I cannot say that bosses might not be vengeful.  And if I would decide to switch back, they could be jerks and forfeit my accumulated vacation time. 

Offord:  Honestly, I believe staying where I am at could be better in the long run.  I have no clue if there were any opportunities to get promoted with TNP.  I have started to realize that TPTSNBN still have some opportunities to move up higher levels, especially if I ever went to another division of the company.

So anyways, I thank everyone for the help and advice.  And I am glad to be staying at TPTSNBN so that I can continue using that cool acroynm.

Change

I need some help.  I have a decision to make.  Recently, I have had an offer from another company and I am considering taking the job.  Unfortunately, this is not an easy choice to make.  Allow me to list the Pros/Cons for each place.

The Place That Shall Not Be Named
Pros:
-Vacation Time:  As of now, I get three weeks of paid vacation per year, plus the option to purchase a week (which, I did this year, and it only comes to $27 each pay.) 
-I have plenty of friends there and that is where I met Lindsey.
-I am on a path to being promoted.
-From where we live, I have more options of places I can go to work.  TPTSNBN has at least eight different places I can work at from here.
-Comfortable and knowledgeable.

Cons:
-I have to work third shift.
-I cannot have a beard.
-Lower pay.
-Opportunities to move past GM.

The New Place
Pros:
-Higher base pay, bigger bonus.
-More locations across the country.
-No third shift.
-Fresh start.
-Allows a beard.

Cons:
-No vacation for a year, after that I only get one week after my first year, then two weeks after two years.  I will be 36 by the time I get back to three weeks.
-Longer hours.  No one would say this to me, but it seems that the managers work longer hours than we do.  Will I see Lindsey less?
-Fear of the unknown.  I have to learn everything again, I have to be the bottom guy.  I worked hard to move past that, do I really want to go back to the beginning?
-More locations around the country, but less in this area.  I would only have two options.

What would you folks do if you were me?

Treasure Hunting

The other day, Adam and I went up to our Dad's house in order to visit him for Father's Day.  Over the past about five years, he has asked us to come up and get the stuff from our youth.  As I have told him before, I really do not want any of it, unless there are some comics.  I have also said that I would take some of the baseball cards (mainly the complete sets) and Star Wars stuff.

Adam and I are taken into the old junk room, which is supposedly full of all this stuff.  Wow, talk about some ridiculous stuff to save.  We did not go through everything, in fact we grabbed two giant tubs which were full of stuff and brought them to my place where we went through them.  We only kept a few things, the rest we tossed in the dumpster.

The funny thing was how much idiotic stuff was saved in the room.  Like computer disks.  I am not talking CD-ROM, I am talking floppy disks.  Yes, 5.25" and 3.5" floppy disks.  I cannot even remember the last time I saw a computer with a floppy drive, especially a 5.25" drive.  Why would anyone save shit like that?

Another fun find:  a poster of Bob Dylan in concert, which we bought for Dad a few years ago.  Nice to see that he cared enough about our present to actually hang it up.  Also, Adam found a tap for a keg.  It looks like it is from 1975 and it is definitely from a local beer distributor.  I told him he should take it in and see if he can still get his deposit back.

This is the stuff I decided to keep:  some Anakin Skywalker collector thing, probably worth nothing.  My scrapbook from junior high wrestling (has a great description by me of one of my matches:  "I got decked."), a book that Adam read (Raptor Red), 1989 Upper Deck complete baseball card set (anyone want to buy? Has Griffey's rookie card...), and Mind Trap (some weird game that asks questions, which I might post on here occasionally for fun).

I also picked up my shotgun and my rifle.  I really have no idea what I will do with them.  I could take them out and shoot stuff.  I could sell them (again, any takers?  Mossberg 835 twelve gauge and a .243 Winchester Rifle), that is always a good possibility.  I thought about modifying the shotgun into a pistol grip and maybe sawing off the barrel...make it more mobile for the Zombie Apocalypse.  Never know when that shit will happen.

I will try to keep you folks abreast of any more cool findings while treasure hunting in the subbasement of my childhood home.

Happy New Years!

Most of you assumed that I went out last night to celebrate the new year.  Actually, I stayed at home with Lindsey because she was not feeling well.  I know, I am an awesome boyfriend.

So, instead of being out at a bar, drinking too much and making a fool of myself, I was at home watching Archer and then Planet Earth.  Seriously, I could watch Planet Earth every time it comes on.  I am pretty sure it is the reason that HDTV was invented.

Something you may not know about me:  if something piques my curiosity,  then I will spend way too much time reading about it and then reading tons of other stuff as well.  Allow me to give you an example.  Last night on PE they mentioned the kodkod and showed this video of one.



I wanted to know more about the different kinds of small cats, so I went to wikipedia and started reading about the kodkod and other species.  The great thing about wikipedia (and yes, I realize that it is not always all that accurate) is that you can just keep clicking on things and at minute you are reading about kodkods and the next thing you know you are now reading about Hispania (I will give points to whoever can figure out how I got there...)

This is a picture of the margay, another tiny cat from South America.  These little cats are adorable, but the margay has a trait like the clouded leopard:  it can climb down trees and (if I understand this correctly) climb a tree upside down.

Seriously, I want one of these two cats as a pet.  And it has nothing to do with this Archer clip...

Christmas Time

I realize that most of you are dying to know what Lindsey and I did for Christmas (I am guessing the majority of you saw us at some point).  Also, I am sure you are all eager to hear about the awesome gifts I received.  So, here it goes.

These are some pictures of our tree.  Pretty obvious actually, unless you are blind, but then if you are blind, how would you be reading this?

You cannot see it, but I bought myself a pretty sweet Thor ornament.  It is hanging somewhere on the tree. 

The interesting thing is that we do not have all that many ornaments.  Looking at our parent's trees, I realized that ornaments come from children, which could be problematic.  Soooo, I am going to make it my goal to buy random ornaments throughout the year.

Also, you cannot see one of Lindsey's presents hiding in the tree.  I am shocked that she did not find it. 

Anyways, let me tell you about a gift I bought for Lindsey.  She kept saying (since about October) that she wanted jewelry.  In fact, about 837 of her friends had to tell me at some point that I should buy her jewelry.  When I went shopping, I told her that I could not get her anything from a jewelry store because it was too crowded and the places pissed me off.

I then went to Kohls and bought her a necklace for $13.  I allowed her to open that first, and I could tell that she was slightly disappointed.  Then, after she opened everything, I told her to get the box out of the tree.  She was quite pleased with the actual necklace.

We also did plenty of traveling from the holiday.  On the 23rd we left here and went to Philipsburg (65 miles), to visit my Pap, Gram, and Aunt Sandy.  Then we stayed at my Mom's house.  The next day we woke up and went up to my Dad's house with my brother, Lora, and Aubrey.

That is my Dad with Aubrey (in case you were wondering, she is Lora's daughter, and if you were wondering who Lora was, well that is Adam's girlfriend).  The guy wearing pajama pants (at noon) is my Dad.

We left Dad's house and went back to my Mom's and exchanged gifts there and watched the Steeler game.  Then we left and went to Lindsey's dad's girlfriend's house, where we ate dinner and played some games.  She lives in Westmont, which is 90 miles from Philipsburg.

The next morning we went to Lindsey's mom's house and exchanged gifts there.  Then we left there and went to my Pap and Gram's house in Spring Valley (another 90 miles).  We played poker and enjoyed great company, then came back home.  Pretty much drove almost 350 miles in those two days.

So what did I get for Christmas?  These are in no particular order and if I miss anything, that does not mean I did not like it, just that I cannot see it from where I am sitting.

This is the stuff I bought with those giftcards

-Quesadilla Maker
-Socks, boxers, undershirts
-My coat and scarf
-Steelers and Pens pictures (3 total)
-Dartboard
-Macy's giftcards
-Star Wars spatulas
-Beard trimmer
-Community season 2
-Beerfest
-Batman hoodie
-Pirate hat and a gray Clemente jersey
-Penn State shirt
-Money
-GPS
-Tie and a sweater
-Wallet
-Phase 10
-Sheetz giftcards and other assorted things

I am trying to convince Lindsey to write her own damn post about what I got her...

Anyways, it was a great Christmas and I want to thank everyone for the wonderful gifts.  And the good times.

Complex Code

Well James, you did it.  You solved the Christmas code.  Unfortunately, you have forced me to get a little ridiculous here.  This next cipher is a little more complex than the previous one.  Good luck...also, the keyword is somewhere in this paragraph.

c aoc nnaynrioot aecoZapouoty oi  e et s mh.seiif tlzu nh fdnwt t hutr rgetiewggnodynuiis p snrituimer og.

 All this talk of ciphers and codes made me think of spies...and honestly, are there any better spies than Archer and Lana?

What I Got Everyone For Christmas...A Secret Code

I figured this would be a little fun.  I am going to write everything I got people for Christmas.  Unfortunately it will all be in code, so if you really want to know what you are getting, you will have to try and decipher this code...Good luck!

Bu lbh fvyyl crbcyr.  Qb lbh ernyyl guvax V jbhyq or sbbyvfu rabhtu gb gryy lbh jung lbh ner trggvat sebz zr sbe Puevfgznf.  V bayl ubcr gung fbzr bs lbh ner ng yrnfg gelvat gb svther guvf bhg.  Whfg gb znxr vg vagrerfgvat, V jvyy ng yrnfg tvir lbh fbzr uvagf.

Nqnz:  Abg n yhzc bs pbny
Yvaqfrl:  Qrsvavgryl abg wrjryel
Zbz:  Abg n arj pne, abe n gevc gb Nezravn

Nyfb, whfg gb guebj fbzr bs lbh bss n yvggyr zber, V nz abj tbvat gb yvfg fbzr enaqbz jbeqf:

Tbbtyrcyrk
Arcghar
Dhnaghz
Fhccvyhyvhznf
Qna Olyfzn
Bggnjn
Mreb

Say No to Censorship!

I've censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet--a bill that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit: http://americancensorship.org/posts/18374/uncensor


████ is a █████ ████ █████ the █████ ████ ████████ is ██████ to ████ to try and ██████ the ████████.  ████ █████ ████████ be ████████ for my ████, █████ I ████ so ████ ██████ and ████████ ████ ███████ ███████. 




http://americancensorship.org/posts/18374/uncensor

Anyways, you can watch this video to learn a little bit more.  You can sign up and get in contact with your elected officials to let them know you are against these bills.  I actually received a reply from one of mine and how he plans to vote against it.

Bathroom Oddities

I think the title says it all.  Let us begin.

Q-Tip
When you use a Q-tip for your ear, do you use one for each ear?  You take the one side, clean the ear, and then use the other side to go over again.  Ever notice that there is pretty much nothing on the second pass?  I notice this all the time.

I have tried to just use one Q-tip, one half for each ear, yet my ears do not feel clean afterward.  I really do not have a solution to this problem.  Does anyone else?

Fear of Death
I hate when I am in the shower and there is no one else home and I hear a sound.  Immediately I think that someone might be breaking in and they are going to try and stab me.  Probably from watching horror movies and whatnot.

How do I prepare myself for this inevitable attack?  Naturally, I try to keep my eyes open and on the door.  That means when I rinse my face off, I end up doing it in an odd way.  I keep putting my face in the water and quickly remove it.  The funny thing is that it probably takes longer to do it this way.  I never said I was smart, and come on, at 5:00 a.m. who can really be rational?

Also, if someone were to break in and try to kill me while I am in the shower, what the hell does it matter if my eyes are closed?  What am I going to do, fight them off?  I am naked and wet.  Not really a good combo for hand-to-hand combat.  Yep, I am an idiot.  And I know that everyone has done this kind of thing before.

Singing in the Shower
I like to sing in the shower.  Who doesn't?  Unfortunately there only a few songs that I actually know the majority of the words.
Incubus-Pardon Me
Ekoostik Hookah-Loner
Bob Dylan-The Hurricane
Our Lady Peace-Superman's Dead
The Hellacopters-By the Grace of God

I know...what an odd mix...

Time For a Quick Life Update

You do realize that when I write quick in the title, that it will be an insanely long post?  Well let us get started.

Thanksgiving
Lindsey and I decided to split up the holidays.  Easter we went to my family, Thanksgiving we went to her family.  We went to her mom's house for an early dinner, then went to her dad's girlfriend's house for some pie.  At both houses we played some board games.

Also, I got to wear my sweater vest that I bought for New Year's Eve like three years ago.  Yeah, I get excited over the little things.

Lindsey had to get up early in order to go to work.  Since I was up as well, I decided to run over to the Ebensburg Wal-Mart to see what they had left of the Black Friday sales.  It was 6:00 a.m.  They actually had a good amount of stuff left.  I think next year I will try to go over a little earlier.  I was able to pick up some movies for pretty cheap.  Plus, I finally got Burn Notice seasons two and three for $9 each. 

Kayla's Birthday
Saturday night we went out for Kayla's (Lindsey's sister) 21st birthday.  We hit up a few of the places in and around Johnstown. 

The next day we went down to Pittsburgh in order for Kayla to go to Rivers Casino.  We started out at Bar Louie in Station Square.  Lindsey and I played a little basketball/football game at the bar, then after dinner we went to the casino.

I went off to play Three-Card Poker.  That was not a great idea.  I lost $120 in about 9 minutes.  After that I went over to the bar and watched the Steeler game and proceeded to get pretty drunk.

Working Third Shift
The majority of the week I worked third shift and in all honesty, nothing much happened.  However, on Friday night, my dishwasher comes to me and says "Okay, it's all yours.  I quit."  I thought at first he was kidding.  Then I realized he was not.

The reason he came in and worked for two hours that day?  He wanted to make sure he got his vacation pay.  Once it went into his account, he quit.  Unfortunately, he did not realize that he could have quit anytime in the past week or so.  It was pretty much processed through payroll already.

Steelers vs. Bengals
Lindsey and I got each other tickets to the game for our birthdays.  We got up early and got down there around 8:00 a.m.  Needless to say, I started drinking.  We met up with a person Lindsey works with and his wife.

As most of you know, the game was not even close.  The Steelers did a good job beating down the Bengals.  As you also know, I will not mention much of the event, instead some random things that happened.

On our way into the game, Lindsey dropped her ticket while we were in line.  We looked around and started backtracking where we were at.  Lindsey was pretty much on the verge of tears (she claims that she was going to cry and hope that the security guards would let her in).  Luckily, we found the ticket pretty much right where we were standing.

This is why Lindsey is not allowed to be in charge of things.  In fact, she would misplace herself if that was possible.

After the game we went to our hotel and passed out for a little bit.  When we woke up it was around 8:00 and none of the restaurants downtown were open.  We took a cab up to the McKnight Road Red Lobster and ate some food.

When we left, we called for a cab and well, that is when the fun began.  We sat outside for about an hour.  I kept calling and they said they would be sending someone out.  Finally, I called the hotel and the girl gave me the number for Classy Cab.  I called them and they sent someone out in fifteen minutes.  Granted, it was a little bit more expensive than Yellow Cab, but it was worth it.  Here is the funny thing:  Yellow Cab called me around 12:30 to say my cab would be there in a little bit.  Almost three hours!  How utterly ridiculous.  Shitty service.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!  What are you thankful for?  I am thankful for a great girlfriend, family, and friends.  Obviously those are pretty much the same for everyone.  So, I ask you, what is something you are thankful for, that is kind of out there?

Judging by this picture, I would guess the Atom is thankful for the great view of Power Girl's boobs...

Fencing For Fun

After the great Penn State win over Ohio State on Saturday, I saw one of my twitter friends from OSU mention that they'd beat us in basketball.  I decided to make a joke about us beating them in fencing.  Before I did that though, I made sure that PSU was still dominant in fencing.  And yeah, they are still the dominant force in the fencing world.

I started looking at the results of fencing matches and had no idea what any of it meant.  After a little research, I came to a conclusion:  I want to fence.  I am being dead serious.

Unfortunately, as I watched some of the fencing matches on YouTube, I came to another conclusion:  it is not at all interesting to watch.  We need to spice it up.



So here is what I want:  form a fencing league.  First, I need a place to hold the matches.  Second, I need equipment.  Third, I need friends.  That is it.  I do not care what the rules are or how the scoring works.  Fuck that noise.

Also, instead of just duking it out in a straight line, I say use a full area.  Maybe even battle outside, use the terrain.  Obviously, every person in the world wants to sword fight.  And we would have to do something about those ridiculous outfits.  All white?  Absolutely not, customize your helmet/mask thing, kind of like goalies.  Plus, each team would have different color uniforms.  Once we go big time, maybe get some sponsors.

I know what you are thinking:  well Josh, how would we get better if no one has any experience?  The answer is easy, trial & error.  If you practice enough, you will get better at it.  How did the first sword fighters become good:  they practiced.  Right?  I think so.

So who is with me on this one?

Lindsey is a Higher Evolved Person

Lindsey is a terrible passenger in a car.  Seriously.  She will scream to you to watch out because she thinks you are about to hit the car in front of you, who is like a half mile away.  She has done this to me about five different times and each time I react the same way:  have a heart attack and slam on the brakes.

Well a few weeks ago she did this with her mom and when she came home she told me all about it.  She said that she did not understand why she thinks there will be a crash, but she gets a vision of the us slamming into the car.

Naturally, I had to mess with her.  I told her that she must suffer from a disease.  I explained that the frontal lobes of her brain must have fused together at birth and she is able to see into the fourth dimension.

I explain that she must be able to see the parallel universes that are in flux with our own.  Instead of us not hitting a car, she sees the universe where we do hit a car.  Her brain is evolved past that of normal people.

She is nodding and completely buying it.  Sadly, I felt bad and decided I had to tell her that I was messing with her.  I could not allow her to go around telling people her brain works in 4-D.

And yes, the only reason I am telling this story is because she just yelled for me three times while in the shower.  When I got up there, she was lying on the floor and told me that she was out of lotion.  What a goober.

Weird Customers

Since I ranted about work last week, I figured I might as well tell some funny (and not so funny) stories about some of the odd customers I have had to deal with during my time.

Windshield Lady
This older lady comes in with a white cane (with a red stripe, which I always thought was for blind people), she was dragging the cane, which gave me the idea that she did not really need it.  She asks an employee to speak with a manager.  She sits down on the bench in our lobby and I walk over and ask her how I could help her.  She then tells me to have a seat beside her.  It is my experience that if a customer asks you to sit with them, then something ridiculous is going to be said.

I see that she is holding a Styrofoam plate.  This is the conversation (this took place on 11/4).

Lady:  I was in here a few days before Halloween and when I came out to my car, this was on my windshield.

She hands me the plate and I flip it over and see that someone wrote "Dick Head" on it.  I breath a sigh of relief because this should be an easy thing to diffuse.

Me:  Well ma'am I am quite sorry, but this kind of plate is not used in our restaurant, so it did not come from in here.

Lady:  Oh, I am not worried about that, probably just kid's pulling a prank.  They also poured something on the windshield and when I tried to clean it, it streaked it to the point of ruining the windshield.  I took it to a place and they said it would cost $600 to replace the windshield.  What should I do?

Me:  Did you call the police and report it?
Lady:  NO!  The police will not even come out unless the damage is over a certain amount.  What can you do to help me?
Me:  Where were you parked at?
Lady:  Obviously I was parked in the handicap spot!
Me:  Okay, well unfortunately our cameras do not cover that part of the parking lot.
Lady:  So you are saying there is nothing you can do?
Me:  Well it is not our fault, and I feel bad that it happened to your vehicle, but no there is nothing I can do.
Lady:  What would do if this happened to your car?  I bet you would be very upset.
Me:  Yes I would, I would call the police then call my insurance company.
Lady:  None of them will do anything, this is how this country is nowadays!  Just like that damn Wal-Mart, if someone hits your car with one of their carts they tell you that it is not their responsibility, that you park at your own risk!
Me:  Unfortunately, that is the way it goes.
Lady:  So there is nothing you can do for me?  I mean, I cannot afford this.  Recently a Mennonite van ripped the front end off my car when they crossed the line going around a turn.  They did not have to pay anything because they were Mennonite!
Me:  Umm, I am really sorry to hear that.  There is really nothing I can do for you.
Lady:  Well throw this plate away for me.
Me:  That I can do, unless you want to keep it and show the cops.  Maybe they can fingerprint it...(I am being smart at this point).
Lady:  You know what I am going to do?  I am going to eat here just to spite you!
Me:  Yes, that will show me.
I am pretty sure she wanted me to give her $600.  What a crazy old lady...

Gastric Bypass Cards
This one happens multiple times.  TPTSNBN decided to not honor the cards that gastric bypass surgery folks receive saying they can order from a children's menu.  The truth is they can order from the menu if they really want (anyone can), but there is a different price they have to pay.  These people never understand this.  For example, one lady got upset that she had to pay the normal price for a waffle when the card said she could get a kid's waffle.  I tried to explain that they are the same waffle, we just charge less for a kid's item because we are trying to entice parents to come in and that we basically give their food away.  The lady thought it was ridiculous that we were trying to make money.


Recently, a lady with a card like that decided to go a different route.  She was super trashy, what us Philipsburg folks would call a dirtball.



Dirtball Lady:  I have a card and it says I can order from the kid's menu.  Why is she charging me full price for a cup of soup?
Me:  Ma'am, the size of the cup does not change from kids to adults.  You are paying for the amount of soup you received.
Dirtball Lady:  Well that is not fair, I will not eat all of this!
Dirtball Husband:  And she wanted her drink in a kid's cup, she should not have to pay full price since she did not want a full-size drink!
Me:  Well...
Dirtball Lady:  The girl said you do not honor these cards, is that true?
Me:  Yes, we have decided not to honor them since we have a smaller portions menu. If you would like I can give you the number for our corporate office and they can explain it to you.  And I will take the price of the drink off and charge you for the kid's price this one time.
Dirtball Lady:  Well I do not care about that, but I am calling Geisinger Medical!  They are going to hear about how you do not honor these cards!
Me:  Um, okay.  We are not affiliated with Geisinger.
Dirtball Lady:  They will know about this and you will get in trouble.
Me:  Oh, okay.  Well I am sorry to hear that and I hope you have a nice day.

You want to know the best part about it?  The price difference was a total of $2 for the drink and soup.  What a loser.

Mr. Poop Pants
I am called up front one night because an old guy wants to speak with me.

Old Guy:  I believe your food is contaminated!
Me:  Oh, well sir what did you have?
Old Guy:  I had the salmon, applesauce, and a glass of milk.  And when I was driving home, my stomach started to feel funny and before I could make it home, I had pooped my pants!
Me (trying not to laugh):  Well sir, I am quite sorry to hear that.  We have sold plenty of salmon and applesauce tonight and no one else has gotten sick.
Old Guy:  I figured you wouldn't believe me, so I brought this! 

He then pulls out a pair of boxers with brown stains all over them.  He tries to hand them to me.  The smell hits me and I start gagging.

Me:  Sir, please put them away.  (People in the lobby are starting to look at him.)
Old Guy:  I am 80-something years old and this sort of thing does not happen to me! 
Me:  I do not doubt that sir, and I will look into the food to see if there is anything out of code.
Old Guy:  Okay, well you have a nice day.

The fact that the guy could walk in with his boxers covered in shit and act like it was a normal thing tells me that he has in deed pooped his pants before.

As you can tell, my job is pretty awesome at times.  These are just a few of the stories, crazy people are pretty much a daily occurrence.  Hell, I even had a lady die on her way out!  That was sad and weird. 

Work Rant

I normally try not to talk about The Place That Shall Not Be Named, but today I feel like I have to or else I might explode.  If you do not feel like reading me bitch about work then feel free to skip this post.

Before I begin, allow me to explain a few things.  First, TPTSNBN gives managers one weekend off every period (a period being a 28 day time frame, for those idiots out there that do not know this or have a girlfriend).  Second, they close our units only a few times a year:  Christmas (actually they close for half of Christmas Eve as well), Thanksgiving, half of Easter, and a Steelers Super Bowl.  I bet some of you can figure out where this is going...

Christmas has decided to fall on Sunday this year (I think the rest of the group is catching up, but I will keep explaining).  That means that the unit will close at 3:00 p.m. on Saturday and be closed all of Sunday.  My Boss will work Saturday morning and give us managers off all of Saturday and Sunday.  Very nice, right?  Unfortunately, this is being counted as our weekend off.  This is why I am upset.

How are they going to count a day we are not open as my weekend off?  Understand this:  they also give us our two days off that week.  Just so we are clear, we get two days off each week and once a period, those two days are a weekend.  In my opinion, we should still get a weekend off.  Unfortunately, the next level boss decided we did not need an actual weekend off and for the first time in years, every weekend will see every manager.

What angers me most about this is the way TPTSNBN acts like they care about us.  They constantly talk about winning ethics awards and having happy employees.  You would think they would want to keep us happy and treat us to another weekend off.  Hell, if they were wise, they would have told us at our September seminar that they were giving us an extra weekend off and made themselves seem like the good guys.  Instead they take away a weekend and fail to mention it to anyone, which just seems shady.

Do not even get me started on the way like to shaft us when it comes to vacation days and their inconsistencies in how they can be used.  Anyways, I feel better getting that off my chest.  If anyone mentions the company in the comments, I will delete the comment.  Sorry, just being safe.

Marvin the Martian Pumpkin

I think I will post a picture of my brother's pumpkin every year...well as long as he keeps knocking them out of the park like this one.

That is just incredible...

4,422,517,553

According to an estimation by some science people, I was the 4,422,517,553rd person on the planet back in 1980.  Even better, using some estimation from 50,000 BCE, they figure that I was the 78,994,111,977th person ever born.  

If you want to punch in your birthday and see where you land, here is the website.  Let me know your number.

A Random October Day

Today was one of those random days where there is not a whole lot to do.  Lindsey and I decided to go for a walk.  We left our apartment and went left, then left again onto Whiskey Spring Lane.  We walked until we reached Turkey Path Lane (these are real streets apparently).

At a certain point, Lindsey started to wonder if I had any clue where we were going.  Obviously I had no idea since I had never been down any of these roads before.  However, I am not mentally challenged.  I had a feeling we had to come out on Rt. 160 (although, I was worried that it could end up being like five miles from New Germany Road).  Eventually I was proven right and we made our way home.  Later we drove the route we took and it turned out to be five miles exactly.  That might not seem like much, but the hills were pretty brutal.  Here are some pictures from our journey.

This is a house we noticed and I really liked, not nearly as much as a few others in the area, but enough to stop and appreciate it.  I should have taken a picture from the side because this one gives you a crappy view.  This house is nice, but there is another one in the area that I would break into and kill the owners and take over their identities save up my money and make an offer on...

These cows were pretty huge.  This one gave me the evil eye after I made a mooing sound.  Not nearly as bad as the other one that stared at Lindsey the entire time we walked past.  It stared at her to the point of almost breaking it's neck.  Lindsey made this comment "maybe he needs to be milked."  Think about her statement for a second.

This house is an oddity to me.  They have a brick wall at the gate of their driveway that says "The Long Family" and it looks like there is a guard station as well.  Unfortunately my phone did not pick up how creepy the house looked up there with the gray clouds and slight rain.  Definitely felt like a scene out of a horror movie.

Anyways, that was our fun little walk.  We also decided to carve our pumpkins tonight.  I have not carved a pumpkin since I was like twelve years old.  We used one of those tracing kits and I think they turned out okay.  I am nowhere near my brother's level yet, but practice makes perfect.  Mine is a pirate and Lindsey's is a ghost.

Well there we have it.  Hope you enjoyed this fun little story.